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Writing, learn-ing, jewelry, deconstructing t-shirts and reality - it's what I do. I live to be inspired, and to inspire.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Full Of Myself

I’m often inclined, while chatting with friends, to express that I think I’m awesome – because I am. Usually people laugh, sometimes people cosign (usually the cosigners are other beautiful and awesome women), and sometimes I get that judgmental “A little full of yourself aren’t you?” (Usually I get that from men.)

Now I can’t help but wonder; if I shouldn’t be full of myself, then who the heck am I supposed to be full of? Who exactly is supposed to saturate my being? Whose thoughts should I think, emotions should I feel, opinions should I express, stories should I write? Whose struggles should I respect? Whose imperfections should I accept? Whose strengths should I build? Whose creativity should I nurture? Whose beauty should I appreciate? Whose uniqueness should I treasure? Who? Who? Who?

The phrase “full of yourself” implies being vain and arrogant, thinking yourself more important than you really are. The people who tell you that you are full of yourself are trying to “take you down a notch” and “put you in your place.” What they do not know is how hard many women have to climb to get to her place – a place where she can honestly say “I am brilliant” or “beautiful” or “talented” and believe it. It’s not that we think ourselves more important than we really are. It’s just that we are important. And we need to acknowledge our importance and treat ourselves like the most important person in our lives.

I’m not trying to encourage arrogance or shallow vanity (although I do believe we should all be vain enough to take good care of ourselves and be at our best inside and outside, but that’s best left for another day’s rant). I acknowledge the virtues of being humble and selfless – to an extent. There are two types of humility. (a) There’s the self-depreciating humility of those who literally believe (or try to believe) themselves to be nothing. (b) There’s the humility of the truly great who are willing to step down and support and encourage the hard-pressed, the outcast, the homeless, the young, those who can really benefit from their insight but who most people would overlook, on their own journeys to greatness.

Likewise, there are two types of selflessness. (a) There’s the selflessness that stems from someone who does not feel like they are worth anything unless they are beneficial to others’ lives. (b) There’s the selflessness of those who recognize their worth, their talents, their beauty and believe in such abundance of good within them that they are able to freely share it with others. If the Heaven Entrance Exam or the Good Person Proficiency Test asked which is more virtuous, in both cases I’d choose (b). I believe one should work on being self-full before trying to be self-less, because then one has so much more to offer. If you think you are nothing then where’s the virtue in giving away something you do not value?

I’ve tried being full of others; setting others’ ideas, opinions, validations and goals ahead of my own and I promise you it is a bad idea. The truth is you need to be full of yourself. Otherwise you will be empty inside – and then you will fill yourself with all these toxic, ill-fitting external influences. You are custom-built to fit only you. No one and nothing else can make you complete.

So every morning I am going to fill up a glass of Kelene and drink myself in. I am brilliant. I am beautiful. I am talented. And if anyone has a problem with me saying that they really need to look into themselves and figure out why… because it could be they’re simply full of shit.

(Oh no she didn’t! Aw snap! Yes she did! Lol!)


  1. Love it! U know that I endorse a little vanity any day!!! :) If you don't think highly or yourself, noone else needs to. Even if someone else does, why depend on them? We're independent women!

    As someone, much like yourself who can get high without alco or drugs, I say drink yourself in, inhale yourself in.. Make sure it feels good! It's only bad if you put down others, which you don't...

    You're a humble person doing what you need to to feel good! You're not conceited, so don't worry about anyone! As I refer to Machel Montano: "what they say they say.. who cares what they say?"

  2. Thanks Natasha! You see you're one of those beautiful awesome women I was talking about ;-)

  3. Kelz this is why I love you! I could not have said it any better than that! The concept of loving yourself before you try to love others is lost on most! I love you and to those who think u conceited well they are welcome to their opinion just like you are welcome to think you are the hottest most talented lady ever(which you are)...

    (Btw we need to have a tête à tête

  4. Thank you Diandra! (You're another one of those beautiful awesome women :-) Yea we do need to catch up.